Elemental

Elemental

Air I am,

Fire I am,
Water, Earth, and Spirit I am!
Earth is my Body,
Water is my Blood,
Air is my Breath,
And Fire my Spirit!

Love, Steady and Solid

Love

Steady and Solid

You build your castle
Stone by precious stone
a labor of love
a labor of faith
Blue printed only by the stars
twinkling in the Samhain sky

An estate

Built in a long ago dream

But I wonder
a place for you to settle

This home of old
Old as the stone that forms it
as old as the sands of time

Used in its foundation
Sturdy and solid

First rain

Will surely wash
the steps from beneath the structure
leaving a chaotic pattern of cards
Strewn about
in a soggy fortune

Love;
Let us build on the rocks
of who we truly are
for they are rough, wild
and uneven
Sturdy and solid

To be washed not away.

Tears

Two tears fell down this cheek
Tired and weak they fell on the glass
she waited today, she waited last night
No one came, losing belief in any one to come
The glass dissolved, weary and poignant
with two tear drops claiming desire

If you should return
Here I will be waiting
A place where dreams intersect
A place where love never dies,
Sadness is fought
begging for hope.

I pray for sanity
Where I can close my eyes
Dreams of you here with me
Dreams that we aren't alone
That we aren’t left mute

You didn’t for me wait

And I don’t wait for you.
Did you for me cry?

Did you for me morn?Don’t you cry my dear
know I was washed away
to another world

but wait for me wherever you are
I will become the breeze
and you will never alone be,
never again alone.

written January 2006

March 30

Turn the page

turn the page again
don't hesitate
For this story will end
Now I take chances
and you have your romances
we are nothing
in this scheme
background activity
fade into the darkness
unnoticed - untaken
by the eye
no one saw us come here
no one saw us fly
separated amongst the clouds
never to be found
what was it I was looking for
maybe I was never sure
just what it was
after all
somebody had to take the fall

The final call is defeat
was my heart was the last to beat
we fall in perfect symmetry
against the wind
I fall with thee

They shoot
we fall
we die
we once had it all
I don't cry

January 17, 2006

4:54 PM

written spring 2007

Memories

There was a movie, a first date, a first kiss.. The movie for today is unimportant but a song from the movie that has remained in the recessed corners of my mind with the memory of those important firsts that has kept me afloat in times of gray numbness.

Time it was, and what a time it was, it was
A time of innocence, a time of confidences
Long ago, it must be, I have a photograph
Preserve your memories, they're all that's left you

These words have carried me over many years. I've thought about that time and those around me then many times over the years. So many things I have said to you even in your absences and now out of the blue here you are. . How do I feel about this? there are a meriad of emotions. Happiness and joy to begin with, Like a window long closed now open and breezes blowing through them once again, sorrow because it has been so long in between what once was and what is now. Elation at renewal of a friendship that had began to feel more like a dream that was imagined by a young girl in loves first blush. As many life lessons have come and gone in the years in between. Mayhaps that was what the universe intended a brief brush in time.

Now the chance to heal old wounds.. Air out fears and move on, f.e.a.r. what did you call it..fear everthing and run. I wish I had paid more attention to the positive side of the acronym. Funny thing here is you seem to read me well for a person I haven't seen in nearly forever. You must be a very good councelor. There are many things that have come full circle in the last year, But you are a welcome surprise. Here I am at yet another cross road knowing what could lay ahead and I feel such sorrow at its prospect, such lonesome emptiness, like a broken animal lost in the cold months of winter. Please know this has nothing to do with your arrival its just where I am in life.. I have been running for one thing or another my whole life and the time is nearing where I have to learn to let go an just be me.. I don't know who that is. I've seen her once or twice in the mirror or in an old photo, its like an old friend I want to reach out and hug tightly .. but I don't know her. HHmm.. emptiness thats it in a nutshell. Broken, Lost and Empty.. And more perfect words were never writing then this song. Are you real or just a well preserved memory? Are you really there?

2:00 PM

Every woman

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...

A set of screwdrivers,
a cordless drill, and
a black lace bra..

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
One friend who
Always makes her Laugh...
And one
Who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A good piece of furniture
not previously owned by
Anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
Eight matching plates,
Wine glasses with stems,
And a recipe for a meal that will
Make her guests feel honored.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A feeling of control over
Her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to fall in love
Without losing herself...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to quit a Job
Break up with a lover
and confront a friend without ruining the friendship

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
When to try harder... and
WHEN TO WALK AWAY.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That she can't change
The length of her calves,
The width of her hips, or
The nature of her parents...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That her childhood
May not have been
Perfect..but;
Its over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she would and
Wouldn't
Do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to live alone...
even if
She doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Whom she can trust,
Whom she can't,
And why she shouldn't
Take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Where to go...
Be it to her best friend's kitchen table..
Or a charming inn in the woods...
When her soul needs soothing... !

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she can and can't accomplish
In a day...
A month..
And a year...

June 2nd 2007

June 02

journeys

The Journey

My childhood,
the journey was a joyous one:
full of wonder,
My Teenage years,
the journey was a painful one:
but full of disillusionment and hardship.
Once I became an adult,
the journey was divided:
full of smiles, wonders and pains and hardships.
But in me, throughout the years...
there was a divine passion waiting to happen

Released only from the beauty of my daughters, seeing everything anew through their eyes.

Then there was you..

10:58 PM

June 3rd, 2007

June 03

advice to myself

I don't usually put interest in the online horoscope.. But I read this today and it fits where things are in life this week. Thought I might keep it here to reference back to.. And watch my back just to be on the safe side..

Sagittarius 03 Jun 07

November 22 - December 20

This is one of those days in which you might not be fully appreciated for the wonderful breeze of fresh air you bring to the group, dear Sagittarius. Revenge of the stale and old may be coming into the fold today. Don't give in to negative forces trying to hold you back from expressing yourself fully. Have confidence that you have everything it takes to be successful in whatever path you decide to undertake.

Amber's 27th

June 04

Happy Birthday

Today is my little girls birthday.

it seems only yesterday I was helping her take her first steps.

Kissing bruised knees

and not so long ago I was putting bandaid on scraped elbow

from her first experience on roller skates

her first day of school

the day she graduated high school

the birthday of my grandchildren..

my little girl is all grown up

27 today..

Happy Birthday Punky

Love mom

1:44 PM

written June 12 2007

June 12

emotion

how is it I seem to effortlessly twist myslf into situations that will inevitably hurt me.

I seem to be a master at this..

One day I want to pick up the paint brush and paint me.
My skin fair and creamy, the scars on my face I take away.
I can change myself, if I want in so many ways.
My eyes can be brown, green or blue.
My lips the deepest red or a violet purple.
Sunglasses to hide beyond.
My nails are my mood.
Pink for happiness. Red for HOT.
My clothes can shout:
Sexy! Daring!
Fun! Laid Back!
My hair they say:
Wild! or straight calm.
Looking at the picture I see me physically.
The picture doesn't show me, the real me.
My emotions, my strengths. The hurt inside or the smile to cover the feeling.
Happiness on the inside does not shine through.My pain, my pressure, my love of life.
My goals, my sadness, are all hidden inside.
Again the paint brush moves and once again I paint.
The feelings trapped within so deep within everyone.
The child within happily smiles.
Another stroke sees the child sobbing pain spreads across its face.
The paintings not as strong as emotions, but stronger than words can describe.

2:13 PM

Gotta love christopher marlowe

The Passionate Shepherd To His Love
by Christopher Marlowe

Come live with me and be my love,
And we will all the pleasures prove
That valleys, groves, hills, and fields,
Woods, or steepy mountain yields.
And we will sit upon the rocks,
Seeing the shepherds feed their flocks,
By shallow rivers to whose falls
Melodious birds sing madrigals.

And I will make thee beds of roses
And a thousand fragrant posies,
A cap of flowers, and a kirtle
Embroidered all with leaves of myrtle

A gown made of the finest wool,
Which from our pretty lambs we pull;
Fair lined slippers for the cold,
With buckles of the purest gold:

A belt of straw and ivy buds,
With coral clasps and amber studs;
And if these pleasures may thee move,
Come live with me and be my love.

The shepherd swains shall dance and sing
For thy delight each May morning;
If these delights thy mind may move,
Then live with me and be my love.

What ever happened to romance..

Since when has it become the norm to sleep with someone on the first date?

I’m just as lascivious as the next person, but I still believe I should have an emotional attachment to a person before I share my body them. People in today’s world do not care much about love, they care about lust.

My Grandmother tells me stories of when she was a young woman, and about how men would try to court her. They brought not only her flowers, but her mother them as well! They made sure she knew how beautiful and how special they thought she was. Why can’t it be that way today?

Have we all become so apathetic that we don’t care about anything but our own selves? I know many women who would rather have a cat as company, and a vibrator for sexual relief, than to deal with a man.

I might be naive--I probably am, to be honest. But is it so wrong for me to want to be treated like a princess? And to feel like I am indeed a princess? To know that someone has never loved me more? Pamper me, court me--at least make an effort to show you do love me. Ah well. Perhaps I was born half a century too late. I leave you now with my favorite poem. This is how I imagine true love should be.

one of my favorite songs

"She Will Be Loved"

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along, yeah
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

[in the background]
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye

Yeah
[softly]
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Try so hard to say goodbye

2:43 PM

written 07-04-05

July 04

Today is July 4th

Independence day

a day for grilling and family gathering

the beach or a park to watch fireworks

why aren't we like those people

You in your room watching some guy channel

Me with the kids at the other end of the house

Do you ever stop to think

"whats going to happen when there are no kids in the house?"

I do.. it troubles me..

4 years max.. then what do we do.

I fear a sad day on the horizon..

2:49 PM

Luck and wisdom

Luck and Wisdom
maybe it should be Luck or Wisdom

I don't know

You think you have all the answeres

and along comes something to shake you to your foundation

is this luck if its a happy shake?

and then come the wisdom part

here in lies the question

the wisdom to know whether its luck or just a test

test of faith

test of fidelity

test of strength

tests

the universe tests us constantly..

this is a test

of the personality

of I don't know

but it makes me crazy

I deal with you both daily

and there are so many things that are alike

and I want to step back and introduce you

which may have been what was intended in the first place

what is it with me and leo men

:: heavy sigh ::

7:45 PM

july 8th 2008

July 08

Dancing

Dancing sets my soul on fire

dancing sets me free

I keep hearing life is a dance

I am learning this

very slowly

7:48 PM

July 2009

July 09

why..

Why do I write ..

I write because I can’t think straight.

I wake up thinking about writing and I fall asleep with ideas.

I drive my jeep, do my laundry and yes,

even have sex while thoughts are in the back of my brain. I been known to

stop at a long red light and scribble notes on my inner forearm

or the cover of my notebook or even a blank napkin.
Why? Why do I do this?

Why to I feel compelled to sit hereat my computer when my ass is asleep and my
shoulders ache? Because it makes me happy.

I guess its simple – sort of.

I don't think there is truely anything simple in my life

well maybe

I could simply LOVE you.

but today my head is screwed on sideways..

my first my last all I ever wanted

Its been a couple of months now since you said those three magic words. and just about 3 weeks since you handed me back my dreams in a cardboard box.
You rarely text and when you do its all so very anger, or so very generic like words you would say to a another person in line at the market.
ANd yet here I sit hold on to every syllable as if it were the loving words you spoke to me not so long ago.
I found this quote not so long ago and all I could do was read it over and over again..
"“When you find what you always wanted in life be careful not to lose it because you may never have another chance . ”"
You are all I ever wanted.. You are all i ever want..