Am I the Change I want to see in the World?

I used to write a lot when I was younger...
Then I had children, they seem to have taken up a lot of my time back then...
though I never realized how much until they weren't underfoot anymore.
As they got older I started writting here and there almost like journaling.
Then my life came un done...
within a short period of time I lost my balance in life...
My Marriage disolved, I had a stroke, followed by a mental melt down, then a smaller stroke (a TIA) and lastly my youngest left me for her father.
 I read what I wrote before and she seems like she was a really Beautiful, Colorfully Artistic and Together Woman... But I don't really remember her... All I know are the gossemer wisps of fragmented memories and all I see are the Monsters in the Mirror...


I read another "Quote" this morning... it said...

"Be the Change You Want To See in The World"

Am I the change I want to see in the world?

I know I believe in compassion and I am trying hard for self-awareness.

I try and have the courage to look myself in the mirror.

I try wisdom and guidance in Spirituallty .

I know I have problems with needing validation and acceptance.

I know I am terrified of being judged

I know I fall into the pit of hopelessness and despair.

I know I can be needy and impulsive.

But at the same time, I feel confident.

I’m a lot of things that are in conflict with each other,

And I’m trying to learn that not everything has to be one way or another.

I don't experience the world like most people do

I know I am an amazing person... Funny Thing is... 

I just don't believe it...

I feel trapped in a cage of depression and borderline hatred

guess what... another "Quote" 

Take these broken wings and learn to fly... Learn to live so free...

I know this may not have been the authors intent but it works for me...

It's hard to have a condition that is stigmatized and judged but somewhere inside

I know I am stronger than this disorder.